The Bastards

Les Claypool

Les Links

Les | The UnOfficial Les Claypool Page | Claypool's Primus Page

All About Les

For every great musician, there exists a segment in society of lost, weak-willed, spiritless toad-lickers who will worship him as a god. Les Claypool is no exception. Fortunately, unlike most other fans, the people who "worship" Les seem to have a good sense of humor about it, and are able to realize how stupid and uneventful their lives must be to worship a man whose two favorite hobbies are masturbation and fishing. Still, Les Claypool could possibly have more pure talent and creativity than any other person alive today, and any worship of him is justified. His stories are ten times greater than anything you will find in any "religious" text, and the sounds emanating from his bass are way cooler than the miracles of any religious prophet. For the past several years, Les's ability to tell somewhat moralistic and pacifistic stories without ever mentioning God or Jesus, along with his unearthly bass playing abilities, have led to a suspicion that perhaps some divine power was behind it all. With the release of his solo album, Highball With the Devil, Les has confirmed what many of us have known for a long time: he is God. Not just the God of Bass playing, Alternative music, or even Rock in its entirety, but simply God. Les may talk about "The Lord" or "hell" as if he isn't aware of this, but deep down inside, he knows that he is the creator of all things good on earth. And so, we flock to this church to worship Les the way others have worshipped Hendrix, Morrison, and Cobain. The funny thing is, Les didn't even have to die to earn this honor!

Les's Graffiti Wall

View the wall.


The Holy Scriptures

Higbee says:

"Do you realize how much more sense the world would make if it were true? Then going to church really would suck! We even have some evidence that proves Les is really God and Ler is Jesus. The bass is just a modified harp, which is a biblical instrument. Also, Les talks about fish and wine a lot and both were involved in a few miracles in the bible. Maybe Les's music is just a modern interpretation of the bible where God sets some stuff straight that got fucked up in the original version. Ler is Jesus since he plays Doom and kills lots of demons and stuff. Herb must have been Satan and was kicked out of Heaven (Rancho Relaxo). Brain is a recently promoted angel who now sitteth behind the drumkit at the right hand of Les. Or maybe Brain is the holy spirit. "The Toys Go Winding Down" sounds strangely like a doomsday prediction. If all this proves to be true, then your pages would no longer be pointless, but instead could save countless unbelievers. I bet if I smoked some weed I could figure it all out. Here's one thing I just thought of: Only God could catch a 100 lb. sturgeon on 20 lb. test. The longer you think about it, the more it makes sense."